My holidays in a nut shell

This December has been intense in all the right ways -- a flurry of festivities, sugar, champagne, friends, family and fun.  Having just barely settled into our new place, we began the holidays by giving thanks, then celebrated Benjamin's second birthday, and tumbled into the Yule tide with an amazing dinner party for our friends, followed by an all-inclusive family Christmas.  Beautiful and amazing all around.  It was so fun to see it all through Benjamin's 2-year-old eyes.  Mature enough to take part in the activities but free of expectations, he just reveled in every moment.

At his birthday party, he started off cranky, recovering from a cold, but became increasingly joyful with the introduction of each new element: the balloons, the people he loves, the spread of his favorite foods, the cake and ice cream, and then the presents!  He opened the presents and played with each one, not expecting anything more until he was encouraged to open another one.  By Christmas morning, however, he'd gotten accustomed to the present opening thing, and after each gift, he'd put it aside and say, "Another one?"

It amazed me how he seemed to turn into a little boy overnight around his birthday.  Suddenly new words and sentences spilled out of him at an alarming rate and with such clear intent.  He had gone beyond his cute baby babble and on to definite statements and requests.  He picks up on so many little phrases and inflections that we didn't even notice we were using, for example, "Oh man, right there!, oopsie, come on!" and so on.  He just got his first professional haircut and he's looking more boyish than ever.  It's mind-boggling how much he has grown in two short years!

After Christmas, Benjamin and I hitched a ride with my sister up to my parents' house in Maine for three days to rest up.  It was really nice to feel the kind of love from my parents that I feel for Benjamin.  They are so helpful and make me feel so safe and secure in the world, which is just what I want for him. 

The holidays were so awesome and a perfect end to a very full year and a chapter of our lives.  The last two years were some of the most challenging and most joyful times of my life.  I'm glad I got to share some of those moments through this blog.  I'm looking forward to a relaxed New Year's Eve at home with my husband and getting a head start on my resolution: worry less, chill out more.  As the New England seasons remind us, there is a time for everything and it all happens exactly as it should. 

Home at last!

B and Papa Ben in the North End.  

It's been about 6 weeks now, the shock has started to subside and we're just about settled in to our new place!  It took eleven months to get into our place here in the Boston suburb of Watertown, which is kind of hard to believe, but we appreciate our space all the more because we waited so long for it.  Since we've moved in, we've seen more of our friends, spent a lot of time organizing and decorating, exploring the neighborhood, and hosted Thanksgiving for our former hosts, Lorraine and Matt!  Benjamin loves his new pad.  He can make a mess real fast in any room.  He loves to hold dance parties in the kitchen and also demands "Beat It" i.e. on the Michael Jackson Experience game for the Wii.  He also loves going to visit his Nana on Fridays.  For all she has given us, Benjamin and she have a very special bond from having spent so much time together.  Here are some new pics from the Thanksgiving week. 

Bubble time!

B getting his groove on.

He's got the beat!

Helping out on Thanksgiving.

Joe's prize turkey!

The fam!

B and Nana.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baby Einstein

Benjamin has been talking up a storm lately!  In the past month, his vocabulary must have multiplied by 100.   He is even identifying letters and numbers.  I am completely blown away by the way he is visibly learning.  Learning doesn't even describe it.  I can't even begin the fathom how he remembers countless new words every day such as, "Thomas" (the tank engine), pretzel, plane, jeans, battery, keys, munchkin, wait (as in, for a munchkin), milk, banana, towel, pancakes, pizza, fries, cake, and even spells "Stop."  If adults continued to absorb so much information throughout our lives, we would all be geniuses.  I know I sound like a typical overly proud parent, but it is seriously amazing.

The best part is you can tell how completely psyched he is to be able to communicate AND be understood most of the time.  The joy of a legitimate conversation! I'm positive he has been telling us all kinds of things for a long time now, but now that we're finally able to comprehend, and it's a whole new world for us and B.  He seems so happy right now and very affectionate, which is probably no coincidence.  The language barrier is breaking down, which makes us feel closer.  And Benjamin's hugs are sooooo awesome!

A Letter to Benjamin

To Benjamin,

Tonight was one of those nights when things just feel a bit icky.  The weather is hot and humid, and things aren't as coordinated as I would like them to be.  I felt annoyed that I couldn't just spend an evening with you unhindered by planning, organizing and bills.  As you stood in Nana's backyard, playing with your various trucks up on the picnic table as you often do, I let my head fall in my hands and despaired for a moment, wishing life could be easy just once and thinking you were in your own little world.  Then I heard, "Mum! Mum!"  I looked up and you repeated, "MUM!"  Your whole expression said, "Stop being a drag, Mum, and get with it! We are playing now."  You snapped me out of it right then and there.  Because, well, you were right.  At 20 months of age, you told me what's what, and I listened.  Ew, I'm a worrywart.  Anyway, I wanted to thank you, but I figured you wouldn't understand at this age, so I'm writing it down for when you can appreciate it.  

Later, after your bath, I got you into your PJ's and we read "You are my I love you," pretty much the cutest book ever, and I laid out your sleep sack.  Usually you protest, but tonight, not only did you lie down but you rolled over and let me lay the sleep sack under you and then rolled back so I could zip it up.  It just goes to show how smart you are and what a good boy you can be when you know it's necessary. 

It's so cool to know you and see you develop every day in so many ways.  Your social awareness is so impressive.  You connect with people and you inspire love and joy in them.  Every day with you, even the tough ones, are so wonderful.  Thanks for turning my night around and for being so special. 

Mum

Little Man, Big Boy

My son is such a cutie pie.  Where did he come from?  I mean, I know where he came from, I was there, but where did this amazingly energetic, unique, funny little character get his crazy self from?  He’s got my strong-willed independence and Joe’s entertaining personality.  And he’s got a sweet, loving wisdom that all his own. 

He has become affectionate, spontaneously giving occasional hugs and kisses when he pleases, but won’t accept them most any other time.  He told Joe and I to kiss recently by pointing to my lips then Joe’s and giggling cheekily when we complied.  Despite his curiosity and boisterous nature, he is surprisingly cautious.  Today, at the mall, he stopped short when the shiny, tiled floor changed from white to black and had to hold a hand before he took another step.   

He changes constantly and rapidly, but in his gentle, brown eyes, I still see the downy-headed baby he was not so long ago.  I also see the man in him, an intelligence and awareness that seems older than he is.  when he's grown up, he’ll be so different, but so much the same.  I suppose it will always be a mystery where he got that part of him -- the unchanging, unlearned, uniquely Benjamin part. 

Go Forth and Multiply!

I suppose it’s the sound of that darn biological clock ticking evermore loudly, but the question of having kids or having more kids seems to come up rather regularly in my social circles these days.  Several of my childless girlfriends have told me that they are concerned about giving up their current lifestyles if they were to have children.  This is a totally valid concern.  It is obviously a complete and irreversible lifestyle change.  There are very few late nights out, and even when they do happen, they’re different.  You will never be totally carefree again.  The responsibility of parenthood weighs on you constantly, and the moment you escape the little rugrat, you start missing him terribly.  No amount of well-qualified babysitters or stiff drinks will take that away.  You gradually realize that those days of unfettered spontaneity are in fact over. 

 But the thing I haven’t been able to articulate when confronted with this concern is that the carefree quality of young adult’s lifestyle is replaced with a renewed wonder of the world through a child’s eyes.  There is no one more carefree than a toddler!  He is open and adventurous.  He has no inhibitions or worries.  He simply plays, discovers and learns.  To behold him interacting with the world is magical.  Every person is his friend, every object is a toy, and every place is a playground.  

So, I encourage my friends who are on the fence about having kids not to think about it as a sacrifice, but rather a more-than-fair trade.  Instead of dancing in dark clubs filled with strangers, you will watch your babe inherit your love of moving to a beat.  Teaching your little one new words replaces rambling conversations into the wee hours.  Lazy Sundays in bed give way to discovering the freshest, dewiest air imaginable on an early morning walk when everyone but you and your child are sleeping.  Whatever you give up is returned to you many times over.   So girls, have some kiddos and let’s make a play date.  I’ll bring the wine!

Love and Work

I’ve been a mom now for a year and a half.  It’s sometimes hard to believe it’s only been that long, even though it has flown by.  Freud said that a healthy person has the ability to love and the ability to work.  I feel that I am now good on both fronts.  My twenties were about love: finding a partner to share my life and dreams with.  Now, in my thirties, I feel I’ve hit my stride in my career.  I’m enjoying it immensely and it’s opened me up to the world.  Real estate entails making contacts and connections.  Because the motivation is to give something (my service), and not to take (as I often felt about the movie industry), I feel good about doing it.  The goal is to build and be a resource for my community, which is inherently positive.  

Some may ask what this has to do with being a mom.  And my answer is everything.  First, Benjamin inspired the career change.  In my stubbornness and tenacity, who knows how long I would have stuck it out in L.A. if he hadn’t come along.  Secondly, I no longer feel guilty about wanting to work.  Ever since I returned to my job after maternity leave, I’ve felt that I was somehow betraying my son by working.  But now, I’m starting to feel OK with it, for several reasons.  I am in control of my schedule, so I can make my family time a priority before business.  And when my work energizes me, I am a better parent.  Also, I have the opportunity to build a secure and comfortable future for my family.  

I don’t have to choose between family and work.  I can have both.  Not only that, but neither one has to suffer because of the other.  In fact, they can be mutually beneficial.  This is quite a major mind shift.  Love and work are not exclusive of each other; they can exist in harmony, just as all the interconnected aspects of a person – physical, spiritual, financial, emotional, etc. – affect one another.